Making Up Again!

If both partners in a relationship feel that their needs are being met, that relationship is likely to survive life’s inevitable ups and downs. Ultimately, a relationship that isn’t meeting the partners needs probably won’t last.

A good start to getting your needs met in a relationship is to make sure the other person knows just what those needs are. You can’t read minds, and you shouldn’t expert your partner to be able to read minds either. He or she wants to make sure your relationships needs are met, but you have to let them know what they are first.

Of course, you need to be ready to listen to your partner’s need as well. You might be surprised to learn, if you’ve never had this conversation before, how different your needs might be.

You might feel the need for you partner to tell you he loves you often, so may you do that for him. It’s fine to do that but it may not be a real need that he has. He may prefer you to show your love by considerate little acts. Some people crave words, and some people prefer loving action.

Simply having a discussion about your relationships needs can strengthen the relationship. If you both know what each of you want, it’s easier for you to keep each other happy. If a couple isn’t used to having this kind of discussion it may seem a little uncomfortable at first. Telling each other your needs is better than hinting or expecting them to be psychic.

Passive aggressive behavior is common in relationships. Unfortunately, this almost always makes the situation worse. If he does take your hint, it’s only after you’ve acted put upon, angry and resentful. So his doing the dishes might be only to keep you from acting that way.

If you ask for something explaining that getting it makes you feel supported, accepted and loved, you’re more likely to get it than if you sulk and act sullen.    

Even though we can reasonably look to our partner for love and support, we also need to remember that ultimately happiness is an inside job. Again, open channels of communication help a lot here.

All relationships have rough spots from time to time. One shortcut through the rough patches is to learn from others.

Your friends undoubtedly have your best interests at heart but it will hard for them to be objective because of they’re close to you.

Fortunately, the web makes it easy to get reliable advice.

One site I like a lot is The Relationship Fix.

That site covers many aspects of relationships, but focuses on providing information to help in tough times (after all, most of us can handle the good times without any help.

For example, you can find advice on How to Fix a Long Term Relationship.  Another page (Second Chance Romance Review) reviews a program that teaches ways to get a relationship back on track.

Just remember that all relationships grow and evolve. Some growing pains are to be expected. The reward of making it work is worth the commitment.

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