Making Up Again!

In Anthony De Mello’s book “The Way To Love” he talks a lot about our attachment to people and things.  In particular he mentions our need to be loved by another as if we would die if they did not exist.

When we give up who we are to please another person we do what I call prostitute our being. We are no longer ourselves but instead begin to conform to what they want/expect of us. Even when we think we know what it is another person wants there are no guarantees that we will get it right so we live in constant fear of making a mistake. When you are working towards re-connecting to passion and purpose this really is no way to live.

That is no way to live and it is certainly no way to love.  I am certainly no expert on love but the one thing I have learnt from studying Mr De Mello is the fact that our attachments are the root cause of our unhappiness and at any moment we can detachment from them all and enjoy true and long lasting happiness.

Detachment doesn’t mean you give a person or thing up. You don’t have to detach from your car by selling it and giving it up because that just produces the pain of not having and even more unhappiness. But it is about recognizing that without the car you can remain happy. Without the 20 bedroom home you are still a wonderful, amazing person.

Detaching who you are from what you own is an important part of personal growth.Your make a huge mistake if you believe that who you are is based on the posessions you own.  If you earn 30,000 a month and drive a sports car then suddenly you lose your job, after a few months can’t keep up mortgage payments on your exclusive town house and lose that, the car goes next and you are left unemployed without the trappings does that make you any less important than you were when you had them?  The answer of course is no it does not.

It is an unstable state of illusion if you place all your confidence into the status that you believe a car or house will give you because it’s all relative to the situation. What does that mean?

Well imagine you live in a neighborhood where everyone drives cars worth $7,000 and you buy yourself a wonderful BMW and your car is worth $24,000. You begin the false belief that your status is above everyone and they may even believe that too. They automatically believe you must have more money than they do even if the real fact is that you bought the car on HP!

You drive around in your neighborhood and everyone looks at your car with envy. The guys all want to talk to you because they want the opportunity to get into and be seen in your car.  You are the top of the pack!

Today you decide to visit a friend. You drive to your friends house and in her neighborhood everyone drives a car to the value of $45,000 and over. Jags, convertible audis, porches, mMrcedes, they don’t even look at you as you drive up because you’re considered a ‘poor cousin’ when compared to what they drive.

Now suddenly in this neighbourhood your status means nothing… only 30 minutes ago in your own neighbourhood you were the top of the pack and now you are right at the bottom of it.

This is why placing your status in ‘things’ is so shallow and a complete waste of time…. because there will be times when it will make you feel great and other times when it won’t!  It will never help fill the void for what you are truly looking for. It provides you with an illusion of feeling great but should that stuff disappear and you lost it all you will sink into the depths of unhappiness. Plus you have to work hard to keep it, maintain it and replace it with something better.  You will worry about people stealing, breaking and ruining it and this worry will cause ill health.

When it comes to re-connecting to passion and purpose it is much easier to focus on building our inner strength that will keep you motivated. In knowing that when we spend time on our own personal growth we can get to a place of inner strength that will not be shaken in any circumstance or with any person.  We are connected with a Source of power that guides us and supports us in our goal to manifest our intentions. This ever increasing, always available, uplifting and empowering energy within you is your own greatness and when you learn to tap into it nothing and no one can stop you from feeling amazing 100% of  the time. Depending on our needs we will jump in and out of this ocean always knowing we can return and recharge at any moment because it will be there waiting for us with unconditional love.

Now isn’t that so much better than plain ole stuff!

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What is considered cheating on your spouse for one couple may not be the same for another couple.  Where do you draw the line as friendship and relationship?  The answer is actually how you and your partner perceive things and feel about having a third person. Most spouses tend to look for other options if they are not happy with their current spouse.  What they look for outside could be vary from sexual desires, emotional support to something new and spontaneous. Having an affair can be a physical affair without any attachments, like casual sex.  It could also be a serious emotional affair.

Physical affairs that result in sex can definitely be considered cheating on your spouse. This also includes any for of making out or inappropriate behavior that would not exist between friends. If you can’t talk about with your husband or another family member then you have been cheating.

An emotional affair can also happen in which no touching has occurred but interestingly enough men and women have differing views about whether this can be considered cheating. Women become upset when their partner makes an emotional connection with someone even if sex is not involved whereas men tend to be more concerned about sex, though by no means does this apply to all women or men.

If you consider online chatter an affair, you are more then obliged to. Depending on what your spouse involves themselves to do while online can be seen as a form of cheating. If your spouse is consistently chatting it up with someone they call a friend, this could be seen as cheating as well.

In most cases a cheating spouse still loves their partner. They just do not feel that they are getting what they need from significant other. The best solution to this dilemma is to spice up your marriage. Do not allow your marriage to go dull. Do things to consistently keep the love flame lit.

I recommend you check this out for further information, this site has other articles that will help you out:What Is Considered Cheating On Spouse

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